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not telecoms basic text chapter 1 chapter 1 whos an addict most of us did not have to think twice about this question we know our whole life in thinking was centered in drugs in one form or another the getting and using and finding ways and means to get more we live to use and use to live very simply an addict is a man or woman whose life is controlled by drugs we are people in the grip of continuing and progressive illness whose ends are always the same jails institutions and death those of us who have found the program of Narcotics Anonymous to not have to think twice about this question who is an addict we know the following is our experience as addicts we are people whose use of any mind-altering mood changing substance causes a problem in any area of life addiction is a disease that involves much more than the use of drugs some of us believe that our disease was present long before the first time we used most of us did not consider ourselves addicted before coming to the necrotic Salamis program event information available to us came from misinformed people as long as we could stop using for a while we thought we were all right we looked at the stopping not the using as our addiction progressed we thought of stopping less and less only in desperation did we ask ourselves could be the drugs we do not choose to become addicts we suffer from the disease that expresses out itself in ways that are antisocial and then makes detection diagnosis and treatment difficult our disease isolated us from people except when we were getting using and finding ways and means means to get more hostile resentful self-centered and self-seeking the cut herself off from the outside world anything not completely familiar became alien and dangerous our world shrank and isolation became our life we used in order to survive was the only way of life that we knew some of us used misused and abused drugs and still did not consider ourselves addicts through all of this we kept telling ourselves I can handle it our misconceptions about the nature of addiction and keyed included visions of violence street crime dirty needles in jail when our addiction was treated as a crime or moral deficiency we
became rebellious and were driven deep and deeper into isolation some of the highest felled great but eventually the things that we had to do to continue using reflected desperation we were caught in the grip of dog disease we are forced to survive any way that we could we manipulated people and tried to control everything around us we lied stole cheated and sold ourselves we had to have drugs Gardens of the cost failure and fear became began to invade our lives one aspect of our addiction was our inability to deal with life on lifes terms we tried drugs in combinations of drugs to cope with a seemingly hostile world we dreamed of finding a magic formula that would solve our ultimate program ourselves the fact was that we could not use any mind-altering or mood changing substance including marijuana are now chol successfully drugs ceased to make us feel good at times we were defensive about our addiction and justified our right to use especially when we had legal prescriptions we were proud of this sometimes illegal and after ups and bizarre behavior that typify Darr using we forgot about the when we sat alone and are consumed by fear and self-pity we fell into a pattern of selective thinking we only remember the good drug experiences we dressed applied and rationalized the things that we did to keep from being sick or going crazy we ignored the times when life seemed to be a let nightmare we avoided the reality of our addiction higher mental and emotional functions such as conscious and the ability to love sharply affected by our use of drugs living skills were reduced to the animal level our spirit was broken because passe to feel human were lost this seems extreme but many of us been have been in the state of mind we were constantly searching for the answer that person place or thing that would make everything all right we lack the ability to cope with daily living as our addiction progressed many of us found ourselves in and out of institutions these experiences indicated that there was something wrong with our lives that we wanted an easy way out some of us thought of suicide our attempts were usually feeble and only helped to contribute to our feeling of worthlessness we were trapped in the illusion
of what if and if only and just one more time when we did seek help we were only looking for the abbé absence of pain we had regained good physical health many times only to lose it by using again our track record shows that it is impossible for a thieves successfully no matter how well we may appear to be in control using drugs always brings us to our knees like other incurable diseases addiction can be arrested we agree that there is nothing shameful about being an addict provided we accept our dilemma honestly and take positive action we are willing to admit without reservation that we have we are allergic to drugs common sense tells us that it would be insane to go back to the source of our allergy our experience indicates that medicine cannot cure our illness although physical and mental tolerance play a role many drugs require no expended extended period of time to have use to trigger allergic reactions our reaction to drug is what makes us addicts not how much we use many of us did not think that we had a problem with drugs until the drugs ran out even when others told us that we had a problem we were convinced that we were right the world was wrong we use this belief to justify our self-destructive behavior we developed a point of view and enables us to pursue our addiction without concern for our own well-being or the well-being of others began to feel that the drugs were killing us long before we could ever admit it to anyone else we had we noticed that if we try to stop using we couldnt we suspected that we had lost control over the drugs and had no power to stop certain things followed as we continue to use it became accustomed to a state of mind that is common to addicts we forgot what it was like before we started using we forgot about social graces we acquired strange habits and mannerisms we forgot how to work we forgot how to play we forgot how to express ourselves and how to show concern for others we forgot how to feel while using we lived in another world we experienced only periodic jolts of reality or self-awareness it seems like that we were at least two people instead
of one dr. Jekyll and mr. Hyde we ran around and tried to get our lives together before our next run sometimes we could do this flower very well but later it was less important and more impossible in the end dr. Jekyll died and mr. Hyde took over each of us has a few things that we never did cannot let these things become excuses easy in some of us feel lonely because of differences between us and other members this feeling makes it difficult to give up old connections and old habits we all have different tolerances for pain some addicts needed to go to greater extremes than others some of his file meant we had enough when we realized that we were getting high too often and it was affecting our daily lives at first we were using in a manner that seemed to be social or at least control we had little indication of the disaster but the future held for us at some point reason became uncontrollable in anti-social this began when things were going well and we were in situations that Lau allowed us to use frequently this was usually the end of the good times we may have tried to moderate substitutes or even stop using but we went from a state of shrugged success and well-being to complete spiritual mental and emotional bankruptcy this rate of decline varies from addict attic whether its hers in years or days it is all downhill those of us who did not die from the disease will go on to prison null institutions or complete demoralization of the disease progress as the bizzys progresses drugs have given us the feeling that we could handle whatever situation might develop we became aware however the drug usage are largely responsible for some of our most worst some of our worst some of us may spend the rest of our lives in jail for a drug-related crime we had to reach our bottom before we were willing to stop we were finally motivated to seek help in a later stage of our addiction then it was easier to see the destruction disaster and delusion of our using it was harder to deny our addiction when problems were staring us in the face some of us first saw the effects of addiction on the people closest to us
were very dependent on them to carry us through life we felt angry disappointed and hurt when they found other interests friends and loved ones we regretted the past dreaded the future and we werent too thrilled about the present after years of searching we were more unhappy Im less satisfied and would it all began our addiction enslaved us we were prisoners of our own mind and were contemned by our own guilt we gave up the hope that we would ever stop using drugs our attempts to stay clean always failed causing us pain and misery as addicts we have an incurable disease of called addiction that it is is chronic progressive and fatal however is a treatable disease we feel that each individual has to enter the question am I an addict how we got the disease of note is of no importance to were concerned with the recovery we begin to treat our addiction not by by not using many of us sought answers but failed to find any workable solution until we found each other once we identify ourselves as addicts help becomes possible we can see a little of ourselves in every addict and see a little of them in us this insight lets us help one another or future seemed hopeless until we found clean addicts who were willing to share with us denial of our addiction kept the sick but our honest admission of addiction and abled us to stop using the people over Narcotics Anonymous told us that they were recovering addicts who had learned to live without drugs if they could do it so could we the only alternatives recovery our jails institutions dereliction and death unfortunately our disease makes us deny our addiction if you are an addict you can find a new way of life through the NA program we have become very grateful in the course of our recovery through absence and thorough working the 12 steps of Narcotics Anonymous our lives have become useful we realize we are never cured Imnot we carry the disease within us the rest of our lives we have a disease but we do recover each day were given another chance were convinced that there is only one way for us to live and that is the N a way that no addicts ever die of the horrors of addiction
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